It's Just Another Birthday
by Vintage Tea Party
Summary: When John makes a birthday cake for Sherlock he thinks its an innocent enough gesture. But nothing is ever normal with Sherlock and this isn't just another birthday.
1. Chapter 1

John was up to something. Sherlock was sure of it. All morning John had acted so strangely. Sherlock could tell he was hiding something from Sherlock but Sherlock deduced that it wasn't anything bad because John was in a particularly good mood.

Sherlock wasn't really sure what to make of that but he knew that John would come out with it eventually and had let John just go about whatever secret business he had. He pretended like he didn't notice since John was trying to be sly about, watching Sherlock out of the corner of his eye but it was hard when John just kept staring at him. The whole time John thought he was fooling Sherlock but of course Sherlock saw it all.

Sherlock had been relieved when Lestrade had called around noon. There was some evidence he wanted Sherlock to come down and look at. Nothing too serious or interesting but it would get him out of the flat and away from John's strange behavior for a brief time. He had asked John if he wanted to come but for once John declined. That was surprising since he had never done that before but it was not too surprising on this day when John was already acting so strangely. John had not only declined to go along but had, in fact, seemed very happy to get rid of Sherlock.

The evidence, as Lestrade had said, was not very interesting but it kept Sherlock occupied for the afternoon and it was evening by the time he returned to the flat. He already knew John was up to something before but as Sherlock walked up the stairs it was undeniable that something strange was happening. He smelled lasagna and the smell of something unusually sweet coming from the door of his flat. Coming home to unusual things had not been a rare occurrence for him lately. Since he had started living with John a few months ago, John had done many things that did not make any sense to him. John lived in such a different way than Sherlock did. He was often squandering his time on frivolous activities or indulging in things Sherlock didn't bother with. Sherlock could only guess what John was up to this time.

When Sherlock opened the door to the flat he was overpowered with an overly sweet smell. He concluded it was cake. He heard John moving around the kitchen. There was banner hanging over the mantel. It said "Happy Birthday" and was made out of some shinny colorful kind of paper. The table, which John had managed to clean off, was set and there was a lasagna in the middle. The counters were covered in a mess of flour and dishes and John had his back to Sherlock when he walked in.

"What are you doing John?" Sherlock asked.

John must have been so intent on what he was doing he had not heard Sherlock come in and he jumped slightly. "Oh, you're home. I didn't hear you come in."

"What's the meaning of all of this?"

John finally turned around. He had a ridiculously colorful cake in his hands, one he had obviously made and iced himself. "Happy Birthday" he said smiling.

"What?"

"I said 'Happy Birthday' Sherlock."

"What do you mean?"

John rolled his eyes. "Didn't you even remember your own birthday?"

Birthday? It was his birthday? Sherlock _had _forgotten it was his birthday. He didn't pay attention to his birthdays. But John had remembered?

He knew John said it as a joke but the smile soon started to fade off his face when he noticed the serious look on Sherlock's. John realized that Sherlock really hadn't remembered it was his birthday.

"Well, don't feel bad about it. Lots of people forget their birthdays once in a while," John said trying to lighten the mood.

"So…all of this," Sherlock said gesturing around, "is because its my birthday?"

"Well, yeah, I made lasagna, I know its your favorite, so I hope you feel like eating today and I made you a cake."

"A…birthday cake? For me?" Sherlock asked eying it questionably.

"Yes, that is why it says 'Happy Birthday _Sherlock_' on it."

Sherlock looked at it again. He hadn't noticed that it had his name on it but it did. He had seen the big "Happy Birthday," on it but it was so unexpected that it would have his name on it that he had not even seen it. But there it was.

John had remembered it was his birthday. John knew what his favorite food was and had made it for him. John had made him a birthday cake.

John was looking back at him with an expectant face. He was hoping for some enthusiasm, Sherlock could tell. Sherlock knew he should say something. He should be happy, express some gratitude. But his mind felt numb. He just stood there frozen for a moment before bolting, unexpectedly, to his room.

The emotions had bubbled up so quickly that Sherlock had barely been able to get away in time before they showed. He locked the door and leaned up against it. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes trying to calm himself. He knew he was acting ridiculous and he had to stop it before John figured it out.

It took a moment but he heard John come down the hall and stop on the other side of the door. "Sherlock. What's wrong?"

Sherlock didn't answer. How could he explain? The concern in John's voice was making it worse. It made it even harder to push down the emotions that were bubbling up inside of him. Emotions he thought had long been repressed had instantly sprung to the surface. It had taken him so by surprise that he was afraid they might show before he could compose himself.

"Sherlock, please, tell me what's wrong." Sherlock felt foolish. He knew this wasn't the best way to handle this and that he was being rude. But this was better than letting John see what Sherlock was so desperately trying to hide. To make matters worse, John started to apologize.

"Look, Sherlock, I'm sorry. For whatever I've done. I didn't realize that you wouldn't want to celebrate your birthday. I realize that I should have known; it must seem stupid to you. Its just…Its not a big deal. Its just another birthday. If you don't want to acknowledge the fact that its your birthday, that's fine. I understand. Just come out and we'll forget the whole thing."

John must have realized he was rambling because he stopped. He stood there for a while not saying anything. After a while, he said quietly, "Please, Sherlock. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. Its not a big deal if you forgot your birthday."

Whatever progress Sherlock made composing himself was destroyed every time John spoke. To hear him apologizing, to hear the concern in his voice, only brought to surface the emotions that Sherlock was fighting. John deserved better than this from him. John hadn't done anything wrong. He had, instead, done everything right. He backed away from the door and went to the other side of the room as far as he could get and sat on the floor.

This was ridiculous. All of this emotional upheaval over a simple birthday cake. But he knew that it wasn't really about the cake. He covered his face because it felt as if John could see him even through the door. He sighed as he realized that he was going to have to identify and deal with these feelings, both the old ones he thought were gone forever, and the new ones he was just discovering. It was the only way to put them back where they belonged.

**Why is our dear Sherlock so troubled by his birthday? Any guesses? **


	2. Chapter 2

John waited for a long time outside of the door but Sherlock never said anything or came out so he eventually made his way back to the kitchen. Dinner was getting cold on the table and his cake sat there taunting him with his bright colors and happiness.

He couldn't imagine what he had done wrong. He had just wanted to make Sherlock's birthday special. It was the first year they had been living together and he just wanted to do something nice. He'd actually called Mycroft to find out the right date and he had made Sherlock's favorite dinner and cake. He knew he wasn't the best cook and his cake wasn't professional looking by any means but he had made an effort. But he should have known better; Sherlock wasn't normal and he couldn't have just a normal birthday.

He was just about to eat some dinner when Sherlock came out. His face was composed at the moment but John could tell that it had not been recently. He was very confused but said nothing about it. "Sherlock, I'm sorry."

"You're apologizing?"

"Yes. I should have asked before I did all of this. I'm sorry I brought so much attention to your birthday. I should have realized you wouldn't want that."

"You shouldn't be apologizing."

"But you're upset."

To John's surprise, Sherlock didn't deny the fact. "I'm not upset with you. Its not that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday; it just never crossed my mind."

"I just wanted to do something special."

Sherlock paused before quietly saying. "You did."

John was so confused. Did Sherlock like what he had done or not? He had been upset, still seemed upset and yet he was saying he liked it. John didn't know what to make of it.

John wasn't sure what to say so he decided to tread lightly. "So…what would you like to do?"

"Well, what does one normally do to celebrate this occasion?"

It was an honest question. Sherlock really didn't know. "How long has it been since you've celebrated a birthday?"

Sherlock narrowed his eyes at John and simply said "Its been a while." He was making it clear he didn't want to discuss it.

"We could eat dinner or we could light the candles on your cake?"

"Candles?"

"Yeah, for you to blow out. But only if you want to. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"Why would you light candles on a cake for me to blow out?"

"To make a wish. You make a wish and blow them out and your wish is supposed to come true. Have you never had candles on your birthday cake before?"

Sherlock paused and looked down quickly but not before John saw a flash of pain cross his face. He had not meant for John to see it and a second later it was gone, Sherlock's face composed and staring back at him. In a calm voice he said "I've never had a birthday cake."

"Ever?" John croaked out in a small voice.

John didn't do a very good at hiding his surprise because Sherlock looked a little annoyed back at John. "No."

The thought of it was so sad it made John want to cry a little. He fought it fiercely because he knew pity was the last thing Sherlock Holmes wanted directed at him.

John was sure he would not want to talk about it, so he said the next thing nonchalantly. "You didn't celebrate birthdays in your family? Even when you were a kid?"

"It just wasn't something we did."

John tried not to but he couldn't help imagining what it must have been like in Sherlock's family. He always had suspected it was cold and distant there but he had not expected this. He imagined a young Sherlock on his birthday with nothing to celebrate it. John's parents had not done anything elaborate but he and Harry had always had some sort of celebration with a nice dinner and presents and always with a birthday cake.

It started to make sense to John now. This was the first birthday that Sherlock had ever celebrated. Ever. He had never had anyone who had done what John had just done for him. It had upset Sherlock, to remember the past. Surely he had given up remembering the birthdays because they had never mattered. That was why he had run away; he had not wanted John to know how much this meant to him. That it was special to him.

John had a hard time making his voice steady and even when he spoke it was not as strong as he wanted. "If you don't want to do it now, we don't have to, really. I won't be upset."

"I didn't say I didn't want to. Just that I never had."

John felt like lightening the mood and changing the subject. "Would you like to start with your gift?"

"My gift?"

"Yeah, what I got you."

Sherlock had not noticed the present sitting on the table beside one of the place settings. It was wrapped haphazardly. He could tell that John had taken great care to make it look good but it still was not neat and he could see where John had lost his patience and just slapped a bow on it in the end. That made him want to laugh a little and he was glad to be feeling better.

"Sure."

John handed him the gift and he opened it. Of course Sherlock knew what it was before he unwrapped it but it was much prettier than he had pictured. It was a violin case and a very nice one. It even had his name on in.

"I noticed that your other one was pretty worn. I hope you like it." John had a hard time deciding on a gift for Sherlock. He hoped it was something he would like.

"Its perfect." Sherlock wondered how John could have known. He had never said anything about it. Its just like one he would have picked out for himself, he just hadn't gotten around to it. When had John become so observant? He had discovered Sherlock's favorite food without even asking. He'd noticed Sherlock's case needed replacing without Sherlock ever mentioning it.

John smiled knowing full well just how much of a compliment that was. "I'm glad you like it."

"But how did you know I needed a new case? I never said anything about it?"

John smiled. "Well, maybe you are rubbing off on me."

"What do you mean?"

"I _observed. _I not only saw but observed." He said smiling at Sherlock. Sherlock smiled back at him.

Just then there was a knock on the door. "That will be Mrs. Hudson. I invited her. I hope you don't mind?" John asked.

Sherlock was puzzled but not put off by it. "No, not at all."

Mrs. Hudson popped in carrying a perfectly gift wrapped present, the opposite of what John's had been. "Happy Birthday Sherlock. I hope that I'm not too late."

"No, we haven't cut the cake yet." John was glad that the mood was changing and becoming lighter and much more like he had hoped the night would go.

They all laughed when Sherlock opened his present from Mrs. Hudson which was a hideous jumper. She had begged him to try it on which he had refused, to no one's surprise. He did not have any intention of wearing it but he would never get rid of it.

John lit the candles on the cake and him and Mrs. Hudson urged Sherlock to make a wish and blow them out. Sherlock acted like it was the greatest inconvenience and explained how that doing such a thing would not make anything you asked for come true. But John knew; he was enjoying himself more than he would admit.

Even though Sherlock knew there was no truth behind this tradition, he thought of what he might wish for. He could not think of anything. What could he wish for that he did not already have? This was not just another birthday as John had said. This was the first and only happy one he'd had. This was the best birthday he had ever had and right now he had more than he had ever hoped to have in this life.

Later that evening, after they'd had dinner, and Mrs. Hudson had left, John started to clean up the kitchen and he was surprised when Sherlock started helping him.

"You don't have to. It is your birthday, you should relax."

"No, I want to help." John didn't say anything more. Sherlock never helped clean up and he knew it was his way of saying thank you.

They cleaned in silence and were almost done when Sherlock spoke again. "I don't understand."

The way he said it, he made it sound like the worse confession, and to Sherlock it was. He just didn't admit that he didn't understand something. John hadn't been living with Sherlock for long but he knew him well enough that John counted it a privilege that he was the only one who ever heard those words from Sherlock. "You don't understand what?"

"Any of it. Any of this. Birthdays, celebrating them. What is the purpose?"

John laughed a little to himself. That was Sherlock; always looking for a purpose, a logical explanation for anything and everything. "They're special, so you do special things to celebrate them."

"But why are they special? Why should they be different than any other day? Its just the day I was born on. It was so long ago why does it matter?

It hurt John a little that Sherlock had to ask. No one should have to ask why their birthday was special, why anyone would want to celebrate the day their life began with them. But Sherlock did have to ask because he really didn't know.

"It matters because…well because when someone is special to you, you want to celebrate their birthday because you're glad they're alive." Sometimes it was hard to have to explain everything relating to sentiment to Sherlock. It made John uncomfortable to have to explain it. There were some things he just wished Sherlock knew.

Sherlock was thoughtful for a while and John was on his way out of the kitchen when Sherlock finally spoke. "John, what you did…well it was…good."

John smiled. "You're welcome Sherlock."

Things with Sherlock were never normal and they were always harder but they were also always worth it.

**I hope you liked "It's Just Another Birthday." Thank you to all who took the time to read and review. Be sure and check out my current story "Blood Brothers." **


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